Mirror, mirror, on the wall

To help save the world, I recycle children. When I told that to my friend Tracey, she called social services.

The Stork

1/19/20253 min read

Ok. By recycling, I don’t mean taking children to centres, putting them in large bins, squashing them into blocks and shipping them off to countries where we pay people less to make more. I mean adoption. There are kids already here, hoping for a second chance. 16 years ago, I adopted a small 17 month year old, chattering, chocolate loving, brown eyed boy, Amin.

We all know the stats, don’t we? Our house is already overcrowded. There’s so many of us. Black, white and brown mixtoes, like me. 4.3 babies are born every second in the world. It goes like this: 1: baby, baby, baby, baby, 3rd,of a baby; 2 : baby, baby, baby, baby, 3rd of a baby, 3 : baby, baby, baby, baby 3rd of a baby, 4 : baby, baby, baby, baby, 3rd of a baby - that’s 16 and 1/3rd of a baby born in 4 seconds…..

There’s millions of us, aren’t there, bad guests, arriving and eating everything. ONE Human locusts - on sea - land and sky, standing there, elbowing each other, surrounded by silence. Look, don't get me wrong. We are doing things about this. We reuse, and repair, we recycle. We put in control measures. But what about control measures on us?

It can be hard work, can’t it? To get pregnant. Sex, sweat, fluids exchanged. Daily examining of pants. I am in awe of the strength of women who give birth. The sheer power, to withstand that amount of PAIN. It makes no mathematical sense - baby size, compared to vagina size. If we scale it up, its like a CAR coming out of a tube the size of spaghetti. And if doesn’t work, women endure knifes, needles, drugs, IVF. So many impossible insertions and exertions.

All of that effort, to make a mini-me. TWO. Wouldn’t it be easier to just buy a mirror. ‘Mirror mirror on the wall, who is the darkest of them all? Me. Job done.

I’m no selfless martyr. I’m just no good at pain. And I'm quite lazy, I can’t be bothered with sex - too sticky. Adoption involves less fluids. More paperwork, less bodywork. Plus, not that I’m counting or anything, but my now 17 year old Amin has gifted me 15 years of eco- credit. Each year, being an adoptive mum equals 346,589 cans less, Tracey, 384,785 milk cartons less, Tracey, 3,984,730,785 cardboard boxes less, Tracey. More or less. Adoption means everyone can be Eco- Credit Positive Wonder People AND quite lazy. RESULT! THREE.

P.S. What are all these bleedin numbers about? THREE minutes reading this =THREE new sproglets arrive, screaming fury, spreading wonder, into the UK.